The Air Was Cold
by SlytherinDoe
Summary: This one will keep you guessing. Rated M for future smut.
1. Chapter 1

**So, hello my friends! I do apologize for the horrendously long break I've taken in my writing! So much has happened! I've gone to college, met a boy, and am overall extremely busy! I want to also apologize for the state of my other many stories. Unfortunately, I have no plans as of yet to finish them. Looking back, I have tried to better my writing and I find it hard to think about going back and editing all of my previous stories. But that doesn't mean it won't happen, lovelies! Just not right now! This is a new story I am starting so I can still write without hating my previous stuff. I hope you enjoy it, dears. I've got big plans for this one!**

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The air was cold and dry. The kind of air that could make a person feel canyons forming in their cheeks as their skin dried. The kind that made eyes water and chapped lips that always seemed to taste of iron. Lily Evans sat alone beside the lake. The usual humidity of the water was absent in that winter air. She drew her knees up and smiled, sticking out her pink tongue to catch snowflakes. Lily loved the winter. Colors were more vivid against the stark blankness. Everything was sharp and undeniably beautiful. The branches of the willow tree above her were bent with the weight of ice drippings that made it look more like a chandelier than a tree. With each snowfall everything was familiar and yet new all at once. Lily just couldn't get enough.

She blew out a breath and watched the little cloud of smoke billow outwards, a small giggle passing her lips. So what if she was easily entertained? Somebody had to notice the small things.

She sat until her bum was numb with the cold before reluctantly standing, brushing the flakes away with hands guarded by red wooly mittens. She knew she had to go back home, but she honestly wished she didn't. The place was a madhouse, filled with swatches of lace and tiny samples of designer cakes. Lily had been caught up in the excitement of her sister's wedding at first, of course, but as time passed she was beginning to find more and more reason to stay out of the house. Her sister was becoming a right bitch.

A small voice in her head, a memory she knew, whispered, "_She's always been a bitch, Lils. You're just stubborn_."

Lily almost laughed to herself. Almost. The owner of that voice was gone now. She hadn't seen him all summer, despite her many tentative trips to the lake. She hadn't seen him this Christmas break either. Vaguely, she wondered if he'd just stayed at Hogwarts.

The thought of the boy she'd known sitting alone on Christmas upset her. Even the new Purebloods he'd been chummy with lately would've gone home. He'd be alone. But, hey, maybe that's how he wanted it.

She instantly regretted her own thoughts, scuffling home with her face slightly downcast. She'd had over a year to think over the incident by the lake. Where her best friend had called her a name he had always protected her from. Severus, her Sev, would be alone for Christmas. Of course she was still upset with him about what he'd said. She wanted him to hurt like she was hurt, but she knew she couldn't allow him to be alone for another Christmas. He'd been at Hogwarts last year and she hadn't even had the decency to send him a card, she was still so angry with him.

Well, that would change this year. Over the time she'd spent alone, with mostly only Alice to lean on, she'd realized a few things about her former best friend. Severus was… Well, Severus was introverted. She'd known that already of course, but really… He had been beyond ashamed being ridiculed in front of such a large group. He'd lashed out at her, just as she'd done a dozen times to him when she was upset or embarrassed. And while he had definitely used the wrong words towards her, she hadn't done much different. No, she hadn't insulted his blood status, but she had done something she'd never done to him before. She'd smiled, turned around, and walked away. She'd listened to the jeers as James and his motley crew had charmed his pants right down to his ankles. And she knew that her abandonment had hurt him even more than the shame. She'd never left him before. Then again, he'd never used the tone he reserved for the Marauders on her. He'd never called her a Mudblood.

Lily rubbed her mittens together to warm her hands and then stuck them in her armpits again. She shivered. She'd looked in his eyes that last night and they were the clearest she'd ever seen them, pleading with her to accept his heart wrenching apology, and again she'd done the exact same thing. She'd rejected his words, turned her back, and left him in the hall. For a while, she'd felt liberated. She'd felt strong and free from him and the baggage he brought. She'd gone out with her girlfriends. She'd gotten close to Alice. She'd gone for Butterbeer in Hogsmeade and thoroughly enjoyed the social life. Very little of which she ever did with Severus. But, through the nights she'd cried herself to sleep missing him and the hours in the library studying, seeing Alice where she expected him, she was tired of it all. She felt guilty for thinking of him as a burden because he wasn't. He'd never been. She was simply hurt and as terrible as it sounded, it made her feel just a little bit better to bring him down. But to put it quite frankly, she missed his quiet friendship.

She made it home just as she'd finished her reverie. Not a moment after walking inside, a thin, angular girl barreled towards her. "Out! Out!," Petunia screeched as Lily was pushed backwards by the big gaudy excuse for a wedding dress she had on. Lily pushed back, her eyebrows knit together.

"I'm going anyways! Don't get your knickers in a twist!" Lily huffed and hurried up the stairs, glimpsing the small group of high society friends Petunia had invited over to help pick her wedding dress. All of them sipping cheap wine and eating small cucumber sandwiches as they cooed over Petunia's positively horrid dress.

Lily threw herself on her bed with a groan, gathering one of her pillows beneath her chin and closing her eyes. Perhaps it was time to patch things up. Perhaps he didn't want her friendship any longer. Her heart clenched uneasily at the thought of that and she sighed. Whatever the answer, he deserved to know someone was thinking of him. She knew he had to be miserable, unfortunately more so if he was home for Christmas this year. She sat up and looked about her slightly unkempt room for a notepad and paper, curling up in bed as she began to write. There was a time for everything to end. Even this silence between them.

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**Tell me what you hate, what you love, whatever! Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! I know this is rather late but here is the next installment. I hope it catches you off guard. I have big plans for this fic, remember? I have to keep you all guessing!**

The woman awoke as the clanging of metal rang about the stone walls around her. She hardly bothered opening her eyes, knowing it would be futile to try and see in this sort of darkness. She heard the whimpers of whoever else was trapped with her, and curled herself as close to the back of her cell as possible, trying to avoid the greedy hands as they reached for her. The man at her door stepped inside and chuckled as she shook her head pleadingly, having been here long enough to know what to expect from such visitors. In fact, she had been here longest out of all of the poor souls now. New voices had been added periodically to the surrounding drafty cells. New moans. New screams of pain.

The man approaching her did not force her to the ground as she expected him to, nor did he start his work of beating her until she too screamed for mercy. No, he grabbed her arm and yanked her upwards.

"On yor feet now!" He ordered her huskily. "We don' have all day!"

The little amount they had fed her showed in her gait. Her legs shaking, she stumbled after him as best she could, her fate resigned to wherever he was taking her. James wasn't here any longer to protect her. She'd come to terms with that. Even her baby was gone now. She was utterly alone. She only hoped someone would end this soon, or she would find a way herself.

Her eyes stared down at her own feet, noticing the caked blood along her legs and the state her clothing was in. The night gown she had been wearing the night she had been taken and her family killed, was what she wore now. Although now it hung off her as if she were a corpse; her ribs jutting out and her hip bones prominent in her state of starvation and abuse. She knew she must look wretched, not even like herself any longer.

She could hear voices coming from up ahead, and that was when she noticed the girls dragged behind her. There were at least two. She could tell by the differences in their stammering pleas. They must not have been here long. She had stopped speaking long ago. She stumbled and the man holding her cruelly jerked her arm upwards again. She winced but said nothing as he passed two more men.

"Oi! Look at this one, Yaxley!" One of them barked as he made a grab for her breast. She did not attempt to get away, however she was surprised when the man holding her jerked her out of reach.

"This one's got a purpose! No soiling her any further yet. Dark Lord's orders," he growled. Both the men grunted and mumbled to each other angrily, but she couldn't hear what they said and focused the rest of her energy on following her holder.

The room was lit uncomfortably high for her eyes so accustomed to the darkness of below. She squinted and shivered as she felt the corridor open into a room, large by the amount of voices she heard within it. Though, it was silent mere moments after she felt herself enter and out of her own curiosity she decided to look at her surroundings.

Men lined a large and ornately carved table, sitting in equally luxurious chairs. She felt their eyes on her, though she could not see them, silver masks worked into the faces of demons glittering in the light as they stared at her. She knew what this was. She knew who these people were but she could only guess what was about to happen to her. She flinched as she felt someone near her and immediately dropped her head as a pale figure stood before her. She felt him breathe, could smell the cologne on his neck that couldn't quite mask the smell of blood on his lips. He terrified her more than the silence and more than the visitors in the middle of the night. She trembled. After several moments, however, he turned and proceeded to examine the other women behind her.

"No, no! Don't t-touch me!" Lily heard a feminine voice squeak and the hall was filled immediately with a scream. Then silence. She heard the figure move to the next girl who had enough sense to keep quiet save for a few whimpers of fear. Then the man turned to his silent audience and chuckled, his voice powerful.

"My friends! My friends… Tonight is a night of rejoicing. We have had another successful raid of the Ministry and have captured one of their own. I cannot release who, you understand, but I assure you soon they will be most… Compliant." A silent pause filled the room, tension thickening the air. Lily felt as if she could hardly breathe.

Her legs were weakening and she knew she wouldn't be able to stand for much longer, but she held her ground as the man continued. "These women are your entertainment tonight. You may do as you wish to them, however, I ask you leave them well enough alive. As you are aware, progress cannot be made without men and women to fight. As you are also aware, we will not live forever. I request this of you, friends. Children, brought up knowing their place in this world as well as the place of those lesser. I order more children. Go home tonight and fuck your women. I give you each two months to become productive before punishment begins. Goodnight, friends. Enjoy."

And with that the figure left the room. The silence bore on and when the woman managed to look up at the people at the table she saw them all staring back at her. The women behind her screamed as their handlers fell on them, the tearing sounds of clothing accompanying their cries. Lily felt herself being released as her handler moved off to the other two women, obviously finding them more suitable for his pleasure than her. She heard chairs moving and footsteps approaching. Hands, desperate enough to use her worn down body, pulled her to the ground. She did not struggle, she did not have the strength. She could hear the sound filling the room of men fighting for a first go at them. The woman kept her eyes closed and waited for the feeling of the man atop her to take her as she knew he would. But to her surprise, she felt his weight lessen. The commotion around her grew louder and she heard someone grunt as he was pushed away. She could hardly make out words anymore, her mind wishing for unconsciousness instead of bearing the inevitable.

She felt someone atop her once again and heard a growling as other shadows approached. No one else touched her beside the man straddling her now. He must have some sort of power amongst them. Those with power were especially cruel.

"Fuck, man! I know you've not been laid in at least a year, but share!" The others around grunted with agreement but the man atop her didn't budge.

"Go to the others," she heard him growl. "They're younger and healthier anyway. This one's the worst of them. Leave me be."

The men around grumbled but shuffled off to the cries of despair coming from behind the woman. She could feel the man dragging her to the side, away from it all. He didn't say a word, but one of his arms pulled her firmly to his chest just as she lost consciousness.

Things used to be so simple. No more. No more of this.


	3. Chapter 3

This woman couldn't be her.

The man, his mask abandoned on the ratty carpet, kneeled beside the broken form of a human laying against his pillow. He held a warm rag in his hand, a bowl of broth set to the side for when she woke.

_If she wakes…_

He shook his head. Of course she'll wake. She had to. The man swallowed the lump in his throat and again raised the rag to her gaunt cheek. Even in her state of unconsciousness he could tell she was not at peace. How long had she been down there? Why hadn't he known of it?

Severus sighed, his long black locks hanging lankly past his cheeks as always. It had been so long since he'd seen her this close. Their seventh year at school he had tried to push her from his thoughts. He had been recruited. He'd finally had a purpose and he was jumping at the chance to prove himself. But that hadn't stopped him from noticing the looks she sometimes graced him with. If he hadn't known any better, he'd have said she'd looked guilty.

Oh, but he did know better. He was the one who deserved the guilt. He'd ruined everything.

He wished the rag he was using to clean away the blood and grime was softer. It was just the old rough thing he occasionally used to dust around his little hovel. Merlin, when she woke up she would be disgusted. She'd probably be frightened of him.

The wave of self-loathing that followed that thought was almost unbearable. He deserved it, of course. The man he worked for had done this to her. He stopped his cleaning for a moment and just looked at her solemnly then. Her legs were thin and covered in fingertip shaped bruises. He was able to count each and every little bone in her feet. As his eyes moved upward, he noted that her pelvis was visible, along with her ribs. Her arms sported knobby elbows and skeleton hands. Her face haunted him. Her eyes were sunken in and rimmed with bruises. Her lips were cracked and dull and her cheekbones jutted sharply from her skin. Her hair was matted and dirty. She had been through hell. It pained him to know he would have to put her through more. He wanted to caress her cheek, but instead simply bowed his head a little.

"Lils? … Please. Wake up."

Ice cream cones and hot summer days. The sunshine rippling beautifully across the water as laughter filled the air. A little red-haired girl screaming, "Oh, Dragon! Oh, my!," as a mildly reluctant looking dark haired boy chased after her, his fingers bent like claws. She was so young and he was already too old for this foolishness, but he still played. For the little girl's happiness.

Grey and a cold chill filled the air. A young woman sat at that same shore and hid the tears on her cheeks in the soft wooly mittens on her hands. Where was he? Where was he?

The woman woke slowly, as if her body were reluctant to enter again the world of torment it had grown to expect. The smell of the broth, however, brought her back and as her eyes opened she was surprised to find the dim lighting did not illuminate her cell. She first noticed the candles sitting in their holders along the wall with hot wax dripping steadily down the sides. The colors of the wax was not matched, nor were the types of wood that made up the many rough looking bookshelves in the chamber. Books were overflowing on each one, though they all seemed to have a place despite the lack of space. There was a small mirror hung to the right of her with a crack in the middle as if whoever looked there hadn't liked what they'd seen. It was warm in the room and the quilts beneath her were soft and old. It smelled… familiar in this chamber, though she couldn't quite place it. Distantly, she heard a clanging but was not particularly concerned. To die here would be a far better way than bleeding and cold in that cell.

Wait. She wasn't bleeding. In fact, she was clean. She smiled then as she realized that small truth. It had been so long since she had felt clean and dry and warm. It was heaven. Someone had to have done this for her.

Her thoughts were distracted, however, by the smell of the soup. Her head turned to look at the steaming bowl, buttered bread resting against it. It looked like the most luxurious meal she could've asked for in that moment. She tried to move, but found her arms and legs immobile as if glued to the mattress. She whimpered. Seeing the food and being unable to have it actually brought tears to her eyes. It had been so long since she'd eaten she couldn't remember her last meal.

What she hadn't expected was the figure at the door. He was holding a potion ladle, still dripping, and his eyes were wide. She looked at him steadily, though her mind was weak. Familiar… Tall. Dark hair. She groaned then and her attention again turned to the soup. Footsteps approached and for a moment, as the bowl was lifted by elegant hands, she thought it was being taken away. She whimpered again in protest, but not a moment after, the spoon was held against her lips. The man was being careful not to spill it on her but he shouldn't have been so concerned because she did not allow a single drop of the rich broth to escape. That's how she ate. He would spoon sip after sip of broth into her mouth, occasionally tearing a small piece of bread and pressing that to her lips as well. She ate all he would give her which, regrettably, wasn't very much. When he'd given her the last and she whimpered for more she saw him shake his head and whisper, "No more. You'll be sick."

His voice was familiar too. She yawned.

He covered her with another quilt and blew out the surrounding candles. She was asleep before he could step from the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Severus sat by her bedside, for the fifth time that night spoon feeding her from a bowl of soup. Over the past couple days she had graduated from sipping watery broth, to chewing bits of potato and chicken when they were offered. He made certain each meal had a small mixture of vitamins, minerals, and potions added in order to keep strengthening her. She had hardly spoken, aside from a few soft whimpers in her sleep. He sighed and cooled the next spoonful by gently blowing on it, with the same care he always gave her. He had hardly slept. She was up nearly every hour either whimpering from nightmares, hungry, or needing the loo. He would dutifully serve her as best he could, hoping that by his service she would learn to trust him.

She hadn't shown him any signs of recognition. He knew he'd grown taller, thinner, more haggard but he'd hoped she would have given him some clue that told him she knew it was him. Alas, her green eyes were always blank as she stared up at him. He hoped her mind was not ruined by her time in Malfoy's dungeon.

He knew what had happened to her. Being very careful not to expose her, he had taken a wet rag to her body in a sort of bath. He had seen the scratch marks and the bruises coating her inner thighs. He hadn't dared look further, but he could guess she had been abused sexually many times during her imprisonment. It made him very angry to think on so he kept it from his mind, tucking it behind his walls of Occlumensy and hoping he would not be forced to scar her in such a way.

The Dark Lord required children. That's what he had said. Severus let out a deep sigh and set the empty bowl aside, beginning to help her up so she could work her legs a little and use the loo. He couldn't stop thinking about it. He was ordered to give the Dark Lord a child. And he was to use Lily in the process. He swallowed and clutched her just a little tighter as he helped her to the loo and shut the door, waiting for her knock to tell him he could once again enter to help her out.

What a cruel joke. A baby with the only woman he'd ever loved was a dream he'd idly toyed with since around fourth year. That's when he'd begun to realize that Lily Evans was the only girl he could ever truly love. But that hope had been taken away. Her husband and their son were dead and although he had hated James for taking her away he couldn't muster any anger towards the dead man now. The child she had lost would still be a fresh memory in her mind. How could he ask her such a favor after what she'd been through?

Her knock came then and he opened the door to help her out, noticing how timid her hand was as she reached for his arm. She was wary of him. As she should be. He swallowed thickly and again helped her to bed, adjusting the pillows comfortably and tucking the blankets around her.

Then, he chose to do something he had not done yet. He sat with her. She stared at him. He cleared his throat a little and began to speak, his voice barely a whisper, "Lily, I…" he cleared his throat, "I don't know if you are actually listening, but..." Merlin, there were tears. He shook his head, his silky locks dropping in front of eyes as he often had them do to hide the emotions in his eyes. "I don't know if you're able to understand but I just want you to know that I will not hurt you. I-It's me, Lily. It's Severus."

Somehow saying his own name, admitting himself to her was more difficult than he thought. His words stuck in his throat and he fought to get them out. "Lily, you have every right to be angry. You should be sorely disappointed in me. I'm… I-I'm so sorry this has happened to you."

He swallowed and blinked a few times too many to keep the tears from falling. He wanted to hold her hand. He wanted some sort of assurance from her that at least she understood. But those blank eye stared back at him with no semblance of understanding. He looked at her and he looked away, unable to see her in such a state any longer. Standing, he gathered the dishes, a haggard look in his eyes. He was tired. He was so tired. Best go to sleep until she woke again. He started out the door when he heard her cough a little and he stopped. She coughed again and he turned to check on her. To his surprise she was sitting up a little, her thin arms pushing against the mattress. She looked at him, his eyes wide with shock, and she spoke in a soft hoarse voice, "Sev..?"

He stared at her and swallowed again, nearly dropping the dishes he was holding in surprise. He couldn't move. He could hardly breathe. All he could muster was a nod.

_She called me 'Sev'._

"Oh…" She said then and her head rested back against the pillows. Her eyes were suddenly sharp. They were the eyes he remembered. His hands shook.

"O-Oh?" He said quietly, not understanding her remark.

She stared at him a moment longer as if mustering the strength to speak again. Finally, after several minutes she gave him the barest of smiles and whispered, "That soup was lovely."

That drew a tiny smile from him, but he didn't dare come closer so she could see it. He simply nodded, trying to keep his voice neutral. It wavered still, "Would you l-like some more?"

Her tiny nod sent him rushing to fill the bowl again.

She was speaking. She was Lily. She was going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**To all my lovely readers: hello again! Thank you to all those who reviewed and know that your questions will be answered. **

**Just remember, I'm going to keep you guessing!**

Lily sat in her favorite overstuffed chair, nestled between two great shelves of books. One hand held up the novel she was perusing that moment while the other idly ran its' fingers through her fiancés' wild black hair. The ring on her finger glittered merrily and a slight smile seemed to always be playing at her lips. She was happy with him and excited for their future.

"Done with that book yet, lioness?" James sighed and looked up at her with those watery blue eyes of his. She rolled her green ones and shook her head.

"No. And if you can't be patient leave and go play with Sirius." She knew he wanted to get outside to enjoy the nice day, and although she appreciated his kindness regarding choosing to stay in with her, she was becoming impatient with his pouting. He shook his head quickly as if he knew he had upset her and laid his head back once again to allow her to continue combing through his hair.

Out of the corner of her eye she detected another student entering the library. It was a bit unusual for a Saturday like this one, full of blue skies and warm spring air, but when she saw the new invader she immediately went back to reading. Or at least to pretending she was.

Severus.

Of course he would be here on the weekends. He didn't care much for outdoor activities. She swallowed and fidgeted a bit, James attention caught by her squirming. When he opened his eyes to look at her and instead saw the skinny, black haired boy, he growled a little.

"James, don't…" It was almost like speaking to a dog sometimes. He let out a hard breath and grumbled incoherently, but did as he was told and relaxed back against her. He'd been far less hostile towards Severus since Lily and he had become officially a couple. Lily knew it was because he thought he didn't have competition any longer. But that didn't mean he disliked him any less.

Sometimes Lily felt horribly for never patching things up with him. She'd meant to, she honestly had, but every time she'd almost wrote him or said "hello" she'd chickened out at the last moment. Some Gryffindor she'd turned out to be.

Some Gryffindor, indeed…

He'd be back soon. He'd promised.

Lily sat up in bed, unable to concentrate on the magazines in her lap. They'd been a gift, of course. It was always something with him, wasn't it?

The few times she had managed to catch his eye, she did not like what she saw. Out of most anyone, she had always been able to read him best when they were younger. She was glad to see his small mannerisms hadn't changed.

He'd aged a lifetime, however, in the time they'd been apart. Wrinkles lined his eyes and his voice had grown deeper, more steady. It was almost as if he was hand choosing each of his words with special care whenever he spoke to her. Of course, what he did say was of little consequence. After what he'd said when she'd first awoken, everything else was miniscule in importance. He'd ask her, for example, if she needed help to the loo or what she might like to eat. Though she had no room to complain about his dutifulness, she was becoming lonelier each day. It was almost as if they'd never been best friends.

Stumbling footsteps falling from down the hall made her look up from the magazine she'd read a dozen times. What she saw surprised her.

Severus struggled into the room under the weight of the lumpy cardboard box. With a grunt he managed to deposit it at the foot of the bed, and she smiled a little as he panted to catch his breath.

"What've you brought?" She asked curiously, having not actually spoken to him very much since she'd gained consciousness. He raised an eyebrow and pulled out a smaller box, carrying it over to her and lying it gently in her lap. Then, he took out what was so heavy. A record player.

She could have squealed with joy when she saw it and uncovered the box of records on her lap. Sitting in the bed for nearly a week had caused endless boredom. But this was so exciting she just couldn't stop smiling. His lips had upturned slightly as well at her contagious joy.

"Which would you like to hear first?"

She giggled and shrugged, carefully choosing an old Elvis album. She'd loved Elvis, even though he was a bit old by the time she'd become a fan. His voice was like velvet.

"I know you love that one."

The way he said that made her look up at him, but he was so focused on cleaning the old record he wasn't paying attention. He blew the dust from it and placed it on the player, setting the needle carefully. Immediately the room was enveloped in the voice of the King. He let out a soft sigh and sat down in the rocking chair in the corner. He closed his eyes. Lily smiled a little as she watched him but she did not know what to say. His foot tapped with the rhythm of the song.

By the time the record had played itself through, Severus was asleep. She could tell because his foot had stopped tapping and his head lolled a little to the side. She smiled at him and sighed, closing her eyes as well. He was certainly trying to make things easier on her. But he had to realize she'd be leaving once she was strong enough. And that day was not far away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello everyone! Here's the next chapter! Reviews are what keep me going so I really appreciate your thoughts! **

One month. That was it. Before…

Severus was pacing his study, his robes slithering about his ankles. He was to provide the Dark Lord with a child. And by Lily no less. He had to admit the panic was setting in. He had no idea what to do. It was either force himself on her, or watch her killed in front of him.

_Useless women don't last long._

He swallowed thickly, his head turning towards the sound of footsteps down the hall. She was up. Merlin, what was he going to do? He couldn't sneak her away. They'd simply find her and torture her again, and this time they may not be quite so forgiving. He ran a hand through his hair and sat down in his chair to compose himself as he awaited the knock at his door. He needed to appear calm and collected.

"Severus…?" called the voice softly through the door.

"Yes, Lily. Come in."

The woman pushed the door open gingerly, still a little wobbly on her feet, and stepped into the small office space as if she were already uncomfortable in his presence. Things were so awkward between them. It really was as if they'd never known each other.

He watched her wring her hands nervously and raised a silky black eyebrow at her, his expression neutral. Why was she nervous?

"Are you hungry?" He asked politely, noting her body weight was nearly back to normal.

"No." She said softly and bowed her head a little. The room filled with an awkward silence.

"Well, are you feeling alright, then?" He looked at her a little closer. She'd finally gotten over a little virus that had made her vomit for three days.

"I'm fine." She swallowed and took a deep breath. He noticed a light tremor envelope her body. "Severus, I-… I have to leave now."

His eyes widened a moment, then he concealed his shock and cleared his throat. She was asking to leave… Didn't she know?

"You can't." He replied, his voice quiet but firm. She shook harder and he knew she was struggling to hold back tears.

_She's frightened of me…_

His heart sank. After all he'd done, after all the nights sitting up with her when she had her nightmares, she was still terrified of him. His gaze softened a little.

"Please…" she whimpered and he saw a glittering tear fall to the ground.

"They'll kill you, Lily. They'd rape you, then they'd kill you. And they'd make me watch. I can't let you leave. I can't let that happen." Though his voice was matter-of-fact he was internally breaking. Now… was as good as ever. "Lily, the Dark Lord requires children."

There was silence. He did not look up to meet her eyes if she were now looking at him. She was intelligent. She knew what was meant by his statement.

"Be that as it may, I will not use you as those men did. I… We were given two months, everyone was. But one's already passed." He was finding it difficult to explain. He didn't want the sex. Not like he did when he was a teenager just noticing the way her soft body curved so perfectly. No. He knew this was going to hurt her emotionally, and despite his feelings he couldn't imagine enjoying something that hurt her. "He's going to start punishments if we don't comply."

"What is he going to do with the babies?" He heard her whisper and he looked up at the woman before him, her body still shaking but a sharpness in her eyes he knew all too well.

"I don't know." He admitted quietly. Her lips thinned and she stared at him, shaking her head.

"Severus, I can't…" she started, but he stopped her.

"Lily- he'll kill you."

"He'll kill my baby." She retorted and for a moment he was surprised she had even entertained the thought of them having a baby. He recovered quickly.

"No one knows what he'll do. But… I would not allow that to happen." He said quietly as she stared at him.

"Severus. He killed my family. You didn't save us then. You can't save me now."

"I didn't know, Lily. No one did!" He shook his head. "If I had known I'd have gone to Dumbledore himself to protect your family."

She looked at him skeptically and he was offended, his eyebrows furrowing.

"I would have! But I can't do anything now except keep your heart beating and that's what I'm going to do." He ground his teeth. "I am very sorry about Potter and your son, but believe me when I say I had no idea it was happening."

"So, what? We have to have sex now? Is that what this is about, Severus? You want to fuck me?" Tears were steadily streaming down her cheeks and she was beginning to tremble. He was offended but knew her words came out of fear and remembrance of her previous experience.

"That's not it at all, Lily." He said with the utmost gentleness, swallowing back the self-hatred. "I can just… give you the stuff and you can apply it." He blushed deeply. "This is the only way to keep you completely safe. As long as he needs you, no harm will come to you."

She was silent for several minutes, finally taking a seat in an old nearby chair. "I want my children to be born out of love, Severus." She started and the words he longed to say floated to the forefront of his mind at once. But he kept them back, staring at her as he listened. "Y-You've been so kind and I… I don't understand why. Why did you take care of me? You… You could've gotten me pregnant at any point during this month. Why didn't you? You're a Death Eater."

"Yes, but I'm not a monster." He replied quietly, his voice cracking a little. "Lily. You're… You've always been my best friend. I would do anything for you. I just want you safe."

She shook her head and sniffled, her arms wrapping around her own torso in a sort of self hug. She looked beyond frightened, unsure, and helpless. Finally, as if she were defeated, she bowed her head with a sigh.

"Tonight, then. After dinner." Then she stood and left him sitting there in shock.


End file.
